Although the teenage years can be confusing, they are formative years for your adolescent, and the lessons learned can play an essential role in their future. While they need their peer group to help develop their own identities, they should not be left alone to have their identities develop exclusively from contact with their peers.

Teenagers need to be able to come to their parents for support and guidance during these tumultuous years. There are many ways to develop a relationship with your teenager built on love and mutual respect. If you are patient, understand the changes your teen is going through, and know that they are adults in training, it will become much easier to understand what they are experiencing. Here are ways to build a healthy relationship with your teen.

1. Show interest in their interests

While younger children often share the same interests as their parents, teenagers usually find different pastimes as they mature and attempt to develop their own identities. It's important for parents to pay attention to their teenagers' new pursuits and show interest in their activities. Doing so will make teens realize that their parents take a keen interest in that which interests them. This approach will also allow parents to connect with their teens over something they care about.

2. Pick your battles

This advice can be applied to all relationships but is especially applicable to parents of teenagers. Their latest hairstyles or fashion choices might have you pulling your hair out but coming on strong and dictating that they follow what you feel is a suitable appearance can prompt them to question your authority and lose respect for you. It's far wiser to save being authoritative for times when it really matters. This way, if you have to forbid some kind of behaviour, they will know it really matters to you.

3. Set boundaries

Ensure that you stipulate the terms under which your teenagers can perform a specific activity. If you have allowed them to attend a party, make it clear what is expected of them if they wish to attend. Tell them exactly where and when you will be picking them up, and let them know that their attending the party is contingent on the agreed-upon terms and isn't open to other interpretations. You are entitled to know where they will be at any given time, and having them keep to the agreed-upon rules will teach them to honour their promises.

4. Never belittle your teen

Even though they sometimes make poor choices and behave inappropriately, don't demean or humiliate your teenage children. Remember that to be respected—you also need to respect them. Building a strong bond with your teen can be achieved by simply allowing them to have more privacy and dealing with them as young adults rather than children. Belittling an adolescent in front of others or being overly sarcastic with them can only harm their self-esteem and lead them to lose the trust they have placed in you.

5. Pay attention when your teen gets something right

Teenagers are going through a biologically and emotionally challenging time; part of that package involves feeling insecure. Fitting in at school and with their peers can be a struggle, and you don't want your contribution to add any negativity to their lives. Actively search for things your teen is getting right, and make them aware that you notice. They need to feel valued and that you are more aware of their positive traits than their negative ones. This will enhance their confidence and allow them to feel competent in an uncertain world.

6. Show you're there for them 

Don't take them seriously when they act as though they don't need your support or interest in their achievements. Show that you care even if they act as though they aren't bothered by you not attending one of their sporting events or other activities that are important to them. Your interest is significant to them, and you should make a point of being interested and involved in their lives.

7. Just listen

Always make yourself available for your teen to talk to you. Adolescents want to be listened to and have their ideas treated with respect. It doesn't mean you have to be agreeable to everything they say. Letting them speak openly with you without interruption allows you to hear their point of view. It will help you understand how they see the world and their strengths and weaknesses, making it easier for you to guide them.

We have all heard stories of teenagers who are out of control. However, these situations are in the minority and can be avoided by simple, common-sense approaches to interacting with teenagers. As a parent, you are ultimately responsible for the direction your interactions with your teenage children take. And there is no better time for positive action toward better communication than the present.