Of the many lessons the pandemic has taught us about our society’s failings, that women have carried an untenable burden has certainly become prominent.

The lives of women have been sweepingly impacted by the forces of COVID-19. According to Vox, between the start of the pandemic and September 2020, 850,000 women left the workforce while in the same period, Time reports 11.5 million women (compared to 9.5 million men) were laid off. 

Lack of affordable childcare and the gap in women’s wages have been the major driving force behind workplace leaves. But even outside of the workforce, women’s invisible labor is mounting.

A recent poll from the New York Times found that even with two parents at home, women in North America were still overwhelmingly responsible for the handling of chores and online schooling. For working mothers, nursing boo-boos and teaching multiplication tables between Zoom meetings has become a new norm. It’s no wonder that amidst this pressure women’s mental health is declining. According to a study conducted by CARE – a non-profit international aid organization – since the onset of the pandemic, women were three times as likely as men to report suffering from significant mental health consequences.

“Women are often forced to change their roles or take on new responsibilities without any warning,” says Tina Heinricks, a therapist on the Inkblot platform. “In the pandemic, mental health symptoms could be triggered by a host of factors...a change in the workplace, the stress of having to homeschool all of the sudden, caring for a sick loved one... In general, there’s a lot of pressure and expectations that society puts on women and that women put on themselves.”

In the face of this overwhelming pressure (and systemic failure), three Inkblot therapists share their tips for women on how to take care of their mental health in an unfair time.

1. Practice Self-Compassion Feeling guilty about not giving your fullest to your job, your partner or your kids? Try some self-compassion, suggests Toronto-based therapist Amreeta Kaur. “Recognize that this is a weird, hard time we’re in. Already before the pandemic women faced a lot of strain balancing home and the workplace. Now we are doing this in a time that is completely unprecedented and unknown,” she says. While women tend to self-blame and criticize in hard times, Kaur urges them to take a gentler approach. “It’s important to remember that it’s hard at the moment but not because it’s your fault. None of us are making the best decisions for pre-pandemic times, we’re making the best decisions we can for our lives right now. We are not alone.”
2. Remember This Is Temporary Marathons get easier to run when you know there’s a finish line. Heinricks suggests reminding yourself that the pandemic won’t last forever while also changing the story you tell yourself about how you’re handling it right now. “Think of this time as temporary and a situation you have little control over,” says Heinricks. Then try to switch your mindset. “We have to learn how to think of ourselves as survivors. How do we survive this in the best way possible rather than making it worse for ourselves? For instance, instead of saying I failed in this way, I got a divorce, etc. Say you know what? It was really hard, but I adapted in these small other ways. I tried a new recipe, I spent more time with my family. We all love movies and books about how people overcome struggles, how do we create that for our own lives?”
3. Reduce Unnecessary Stressors If life feels like it’s piling up on you, consider what responsibilities you might be able to put down. Kaur suggests writing down what your expectations are for yourself and taking a minute to reassess. “Recognize what you’re expecting of yourself and then ask, “If this was a loved one, if this was my friend or a family member, would I think these expectations were unreasonable?” If the answer is yes, it’s time to change things up. Heinricks suggests identifying the day’s non-essential tasks and simply putting them aside for later: “Prioritize what’s really important and what you can put on hold for now. For instance, do you really have to do the dishes right after a meal? Do you really have to vacuum the house? Try practicing letting go.”
4. Practice Self-Care, But Make It Easy Luxurious long baths. Trips to a spa. A weekend-long yoga retreat. For many women, this kind of self-care simply isn’t possible – especially in a pandemic. Fortunately, when it comes to nurturing yourself, therapist Bernadette Evans assures that a little care goes a long way. “Everyone knows about the benefits of self-care yet many women still don’t practice it,” says Evans. “(Self care) can be as simple as putting a facemask on at night while you prepare lunches for the next day. It could be taking 15 minutes to do some yoga and stretch your body. Do something that lifts your spirit, that energizes you and can carry you through to the next day.” Heinricks suggests that self-care can even just be trying your best to take care of your basic wellness needs. “Try to have a structured routine with sleeping, eat healthy and balanced meals when you can and try to get a little exercise. Do the best you can to do activities you enjoy. But don’t feel guilty for what you can’t get done.”
5. Ask For Help If you’re feeling overwhelmed by supporting loved ones, online schooling or the demands of work, Heinricks suggests asking someone in your network for help. “This could be a partner, an older child if you have children, a boss...anyone in your life who could take a little bit off your plate. As much as you can, delegate tasks.” Reaching out and sharing your needs with others, as Kaur notes, is key to making the space for your own self-care. “We think a lot about self-care as doing things for ourselves but we actually need other people to support us in order for us to practice it.”
6. Stay Connected With smaller social circles, heavier workloads and sporadic lockdown orders, many people are feeling isolated right now. If you’re balancing work and caring for others, remember that maintaining friendships and social contact is still essential for your mental health. “Having a network of (people) that you can call when you need someone to talk to is important,” says Evans. “People can really save your life sometimes by just lending an ear.” Heinricks suggests reaching out to others who might share similar experiences and can help build your sense of community and support. “Allow yourself to have these hard feelings and talk about it. Talk to other women or mothers.” It doesn’t have to be much and it doesn’t have to be long: a quick phone call while walking the dog or a fun hang over HouseParty goes a long way.
7. Recognize When It's Time To Seek Professional Help Sometimes you’ve tried all the things and it’s just time for professional assistance. “It’s expected that you’ll have some pretty negative feelings right now,” says Heinricks, but if you find yourself stuck in repetitive negative thought patterns or noticing persistent changes in mood or sleep, it could be time to reach out for extra help. “Sometimes you need an objective listener to talk to,” notes Evans. “A counsellor can help you navigate tough times by listening, helping you discover your own resources and maybe help you add to your personal toolbox.”

Reach out to the counsellors at Inkblot Therapy to help if you find yourself struggling to cope. Remember – you are not alone. Inkblot can help. It’s easy to make an appointment with a therapist tailored to your individual needs and sessions are available as soon as today.